I will admit to being a modest animal. I’m what many might consider to be the lowest of the low. I’m a rat, the most despised of rodents. When people see me, there are only two possible reactions: they run in fear, or they attack with an irrational rage. They go to the store and buy traps to set, cruel contraptions that lure rodents like me into them with the promise of fulfilling my hopes and dreams of all-i-can-eat cheese. I have seen friends chase these dreams, frustrated with the status quo and convinced that their parents are merely cynical naysayers, only to have their idealistic minds crushed by a merciless steel bar. All of this because humanity dubbed us to be small monsters.
But I am not a monster. I have hopes and fears – even dreams – like the rest of you. And just because I don’t seem at first to have the means to achieve my highest ambitions doesn’t mean you selfish bipeds have the right to lure my friends and I into dark corners with the promise of staving off hunger only to crush our brains, bodies and spirits with various traps, poisons, and other modern innovations.
I will admit that most other rats are selfish, simple-minded animals. But are you willing to argue that humans are different? I’ve observed you as I crept behind your recliners and couches. I’ve seen the kinds of things you watch on TV – your relentless obsession with the affairs of Honey Boo Boo and Snooki. I’ve seen the ways you raise your kids by sitting them down in front of Call of Duty, teaching them to spend their time chasing after crumbs of cheese in your own way. I know you better than you might want to admit.
After years of seeking out food in the most dangerous places, I’ve acquired a taste for risk (and pizza). I began to have ambitions that go beyond mere hunting and gathering. There was only one person who believed in me: the head of Donut Games. I don’t know his name – all I know is that he kept giving me pieces of donut, day after day. He would sit them conspicuously close to the hole in the wall I would crawl out of, protruding slightly out of the side of a curtain. I would savor that food, come back for the sprinkles that were left behind. I grew so fat in those few, blissful weeks. And then I realized: I was being complacent.
This thought hit me suddenly, just as I was stopping to eat a sprinkle next to the window. The man was leaning back thoughtfully in his office chair when he must have heard me sigh involuntarily.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. I responded by motioning to my giant gut, and by yawning heavily. I was bored. Not with donuts, but with life.
Looking back, I think we related to one another. This guy had been relentlessly releasing game after game, each one less imaginative than the next. His original masterpiece, the Pachinko-inspired Lucky Coin, had yet to be topped. Each game seemed to telegraph a desire and struggle (and consequential failure) to do something unique and interesting. Some, like Castle Rush seemed to strive for something fantastical while only reinforcing the same tired tropes we’ve seen in game after game. Others wore their developer’s boredom on their sleeve, like Sunday Lawn – a game about mowing the lawn on Sunday. When he discovered me, he was in the midst of developing a game called Traffic Rush. A game about one of the most mundane and despised of all modern inconveniences? I mean, seriously. These guys needed help.
So did I. He first cast me in a game called Rat on the Run, basically a recreation of my days scavenging for food. It was demeaning. The whole idea of the game was that the player was fattening me up, that I was some kind of a lazy bum rat with no goals besides food and survival. When I complained, he made a mini-game called Rat on a Scooter.
So it all started on a slow, rickety scooter. I can’t say I was ecstatic in that fleeting moment, jumping over gaps and grinding on floating platforms, but I can say I was fulfilled, and full (there was a lot of pizza to collect).
And what do you know! The few players, who for whatever reason were interested in Rat on the Run, fell in love with my scooter antics. Soon enough, a franchise began to form with me as the star, with Rat on a Scooter XL. It was a deeper, more fleshed out version of my previous antics. This thing was going places.
It all happened so fast. I learned how to Skateboard, Snowboard, and how to ride a Jet Ski. My friends and family, who all once told me I was crazy, wanted to know what it was like to soar through the air in a Jet Ski, snatching cheese and pizza in mid-flight.
The answer: it’s exhausting. Just when I’ve mastered a new mode of transportation, I’m forced by the taskmasters at Donut Games to learn a new one. And while I may be living a more exciting life than before, it feels a little bit like I’m spinning my wheels. Fans of the games keep demanding more, and the pressure builds all the time to follow through with something better and more extreme. And despite all of this success, my games are significantly less popular than that game with the psychotic birds, and less critically acclaimed than that game with the well-dressed dude endlessly running through a grey-scale apocalyptic nightmare-scape.
Even as I’m pulling off insane stunts on my snowboard, I’m still a rat. I’m one of the lucky ones, sure. I haven’t had my head crushed by a steel bar. I’ve been given opportunities I could have never dreamt of. But in the crowded world of iPhone games, I don’t have a chance.
That’s why I’m fine with the games growing increasingly dangerous over time. Eventually, if I’m lucky, I’ll be the star of something like Rat on a Motorcycle in Traffic, or Rat on a Tightrope Over Spikes. It’ll be the same thing, basically, except that the game will end with me exploding into a bloody mess. I’ll be a martyr. And the iPhone gaming public? They’ll eat it up.
Filed Under: Editorial Experiential Experimental Mobile
About the Author:
Richard Clark is the managing editor of Gamechurch, the editor-in-chief of Christ and Pop Culture, and a regular columnist at Unwinnable.
188 Responses to “A Rat With An Existential Crisis”
Leave a Reply
This is a tough one to write. For those of you who know me, in person, by my writing, or…
OriginalsThe Fool and the Villain, Part II
(Warning: In Second Life, pixelated tits and dicks abound. Abandon all hope, all ye who enter this article at work.)…
CommentaryThe Edge Of The Ocean
The problem is to plot the map. My sense of geography is spotted with black holes. There’s the Chinatown and…
Play everything. No, I’m serious, play everything. Play that game of hopscotch those kids drew up on the sidewalk with…
CommentaryGenre In Question
Why are there so few video game comedies? At least twice in the past year I’ve bumped into conversations trying…
You forgot about the rats from dishonored, I’m sure they’d have a few tales to tell. Like the time they were summoned to eat those guards… eww
Taxi moto line
128 Rue la Boétie
+33 6 51 612 712
Taxi moto paris
Hi my family member! I wish to say that this post is amazing, great written and include approximately all vital infos.
I would like to peer extra posts like this .
tadalafil dosage tadalafil max dose
tadalafil 60 mg for sale
order tadalafil: http://tadalafilonline20.com/ tadalafil 40 mg from india
india pharmacy mail order: https://genericwdp.com/ drugs without doctor script
medications without a doctor’s prescription meds online without doctor prescription
prescription drugs online without doctor: https://genericwdp.com/ overseas pharmacies shipping to usa
generic pills meds online without doctor prescription
buy cheap prescription drugs online: https://genericwdp.com/ buying prescription drugs from canada
cost of viagra over the counter viagra
buy viagra online usa viagra without a doctor prescription usa
viagra without a doctor prescription usa viagra without a doctor prescription usa
buy viagra online canada
order viagra online best over the counter viagra
viagra over the counter walmart order viagra online
order viagra online
viagra without a doctor prescription usa viagra over the counter walmart
price of viagra
aralen for sale order aralen online
zithromax 500 mg lowest price drugstore online zithromax pill
buy propecia without prescription how do i get propecia
mexican viagra https://viagrapills100.com/ 100mg viagra
where can i buy viagra over the counter https://viagrapills100.com/ where can i buy viagra over the counter
where to buy viagra online https://viagrapills100.com/ where to buy viagra
buy ed pills from canada cheap ed pills usa
cheap ed pills in mexico
cheap ed pills usa buy ed pills from canada
cheap ed pills from india
cheap ed pills from canada ed pills online
cheap ed pills
buy ed drugs buy ed drugs
cheap ed pills
neurontin price comparison: cheap neurontin – neurontin 600 mg cost
http://gabapentinst.com/# neurontin 300mg tablet cost
zithromax buy online: generic zithromax – zithromax for sale 500 mg
https://hydroxychloroquinest.com/# medicine plaquenil 200 mg
generic neurontin: buy neurontin – neurontin brand name 800mg
http://zithromaxproff.com/# buy zithromax 1000mg online
zithromax order online uk
http://zithromaxproff.com/# zithromax online usa no prescription
zithromax 500 price
https://zithromaxproff.com/# zithromax 250 mg
http://zithromaxproff.com/# zithromax online paypal
order zithromax over the counter
http://zithromaxproff.com/# azithromycin zithromax
generic zithromax medicine
stromectol generic: buy panmycin generic
generic zithromax: buy biaxin online
order clindamycin online
order tinidazole: order minocin
order augmentin online
minocycline generic: order clindamycin
buy prescriptions from india pharmacy: india pharmacy mail order all generic meds from india
united pharmacy india: reputable online pharmacies in india ordering medicine from india
cheap online pharmacies from india: india pharmacy without dr prescriptions buy prescriptions from india pharmacy
buy medication online from india: overseas pharmacies shipping to usa india pharmacies online
cialis pills: male erectile pills mail order erectile dysfunction pills
buy erectile dysfunction pills online: male erectile pills over the counter ed medication
Your style is very unique in comparison to other people I have read stuff from.
I appreciate you for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess
I will just bookmark this web site. asmr 0mniartist
how to get viagra non prescription viagra viagra without a prescription
how much viagra should i take the first time? viagra without a doctor prescription usa buy viagra without prescription
viagra pill viagra without a doctor prescription buy viagra without prescription
I’d like to find out more? I’d love to find out more details.
https://amoxilst.com/# order amoxicillin no prescription
It is actually a great and helpful piece of info.
I am happy that you simply shared this useful info with us.
Please stay us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.
https://amoxilst.com/# amoxicillin 500mg capsules
http://amoxilst.com/# price of amoxicillin without insurance
Great beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your website, how could i subscribe for a weblog website?
The account aided me a appropriate deal. I were a little bit familiar of
this your broadcast provided vivid transparent idea asmr 0mniartist
http://clomidst.com/# where to buy clomid
http://clomidst.com/# price of clomid
Wonderful blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo News.
Do you have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News?
I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there!
Many thanks asmr 0mniartist
https://diflucanst.com/# how to buy diflucan over the counter
http://amoxilst.com/# amoxicillin online without prescription
https://doxycyclinest.com/# 200 mg doxycycline
lasix furosemide 40 mg: buy furosemide online – lasix furosemide
where can i buy metformin: cheap metformin – 1700 mg metformin
paxil sleep: paxil for social anxiety – paxil brain zaps
lasix for sale: lasix generic – lasix 20 mg
lasix 40 mg: buy lasix – lasix 40mg
buy lasix online: cheap furosemide – furosemida
ed medication: buy ed pills – the best ed pills
VjX4m3 vvlfvwveoanw, [url=http://vgpvmhktfsvv.com/]vgpvmhktfsvv[/url], [link=http://jfehlgneoynx.com/]jfehlgneoynx[/link], http://horhacmidwnq.com/
generic valtrex: valtrex without a doctor’s prescription – valtrex without insurance
valtrex generic: prescription for valtrex – can you buy valtrex over the counter in usa
valtrex cream: valtrex for sale – valtrex medicine purchase
ventolin 50 mcg
valtrex price without insurance: valtrex price south africa – can you buy valtrex over the counter
valtrex where to buy canada http://valtrex10.com/#
cheap tadalafil: buy tadalafil – tadalafil generic cost
tadalafil india pharmacy https://tabsrxst.com/#
propecia hair growth: finasteride without prescription – propecia online pharmacy
propecia 5 mg for sale https://medrxst.com/#
tadalafil 20mg best price: buy tadalafil – tadalafil without a doctor’s prescription
ventolin online uk
can i buy ventolin over the counter: blue albuterol inhaler – ventolin prescription
ventolin tablets 4mg
male ed pills best ed medications erectile dysfunction drug
http://edpillst.com/# online ed pills
natural remedies for ed
ed pills cheap ed medication online ed pill
treatments for ed erectile dysfunction drugs best ed pills non prescription
best ed pills online
http://edpillst.com/# ed pills that really work
buy ed pills
Hello, I enjoy reading all of your article. I
wanted to write a little comment to support you.
Hello there! I simply want to give you a big thumbs up for your excellent information you have got right here on this post.
I’ll be returning to your blog for more soon.
canada drugstore pharmacy rx canadian pharmacy coupon – reliable canadian online pharmacy
us pharmacy no prescription
This design is wicked! You obviously know how to keep a reader entertained.
Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start
my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Great job. I really loved what you had to say,
and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!
If some one wishes expert view about running
a blog then i recommend him/her to go to see this blog, Keep up the nice work.
legitimate online pharmacy canadian pharmacy viagra 50 mg certified canadian international pharmacy
cheap canadian pharmacy https://pharmfst.com/#
online pharmacy cialis pharmacies in canada that ship to the us canadian pharmacy mall
generic pharmacy online https://pharmfst.com/#
generic cialis canadian buy cialis with paypal buy cialis online viagra
buy cialis canadian https://cialisst.com/#
buy cialis ebay erectile dysfunction medications – cialis sale 20mg
cialis without prescriptions canada
buy cialis online at lowest price generic cialis daily pricing buy cialis tadalafil0 with pay pal
buy cialis tadalafil tablets https://cialisst.com/#
buy cialis in miami buy cialis united kingdom can i buy cialis in toronto
cost of cialis without insurance https://cialisst.com/#
buy cialis online at lowest price erectile dysfunction medications – canada cialis online
cialis 5mg tablet
Touche. Outstanding arguments. Keep up the amazing work.
Thanks designed for sharing such a fastidious
idea, piece of writing is pleasant, thats why i have read it completely
can i buy cialis in toronto how to buy cialis online from canada – cialis 5mg tablet
buy cialis with paypal
buy cialis in miami ed drugs – much does cialis cost without insurance
buy cialis insurancecialis online without prescription
cialis for daily use erectile dysfunction medications – buy cialis very cheap prices fast delivery
buy cialis online in canada
Hello, the whole thing is going well here and ofcourse
every one is sharing data, that’s genuinely fine, keep up writing.
buy cialis online at lowest price erectile dysfunction medications – much does cialis cost without insurance
fastest delivery of generic cialis
buy cialis very cheap prices fast delivery ed pills – can i buy cialis in toronto
cialis without presciption in usa
Hi there, after reading this awesome paragraph
i am as well happy to share my experience here with colleagues.
cialis 20mg low price ed drugs – buy cialis cheap canada
can i buy cialis in uk
I go to see daily some websites and sites
to read articles, except this web site provides feature based content.
cialis in europe buy cheap cialis overnight – can i buy cialis online
cost of tadalafil without insurance
natural viagra generic viagra without a doctor prescription viagra from canada
generic viagra available https://viagrasts.com/#
over the counter alternative to viagra generic viagra 100mg viagra professional
viagra canada buy viagra online without a prescription how does viagra work
online viagra https://viagrasts.com/#
viagra coupons viagra for sale – viagra prices
buy viagra pills
buy viagra pills cialis vs viagra – viagra without a doctor prescription usa
viagra for women buy viagra online without a prescription – buy viagra generic
generic viagra 100mg
buy cialis united kingdom buy cialis cheap canada how to buy cialis online from canada
can i buy cialis in toronto https://cialisbnb.com/#
cialis for daily use buy cheap cialis uk cialis online daily
buy cialis online overnight https://cialisbnb.com/#
buy cialis online cheap cialis original for sale cialis online without prescription
buy cialis rush https://cialisbnb.com/#
cialis sale 20mg cialis online daily can i buy cialis in uk
buy cialis ebay https://cialisbnb.com/#
original cialis low price: buy cialis canadian how to get ciails without a doctor
buy cialis cheaper online
Hi! Someone in my Myspace group shared this website with us so I came to take
a look. I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
Wonderful blog and excellent style and design. scoliosis
generic cialis 20 mg tadalafil: cheapest generic cialis australia canada cialis online
cialis tadalafil portugal
It’s very easy to find out any topic on net as compared
to books, as I found this post at this web site. scoliosis
zestril generic: lisinopril 50 mg tablet – lisinopril 40 mg generic
order cheap lisinopril https://lisinoprilst.com/#
ed pills otc: pills for erection – best treatment for ed
generic ivermectin: stromectol where to buy – ivermectin pills
ivermectin generic cream https://stromectolst.com/#
doxycycline vibramycin: doxycycline order online – buy cheap doxycycline
doxycycline pills https://doxycyclinests.com/#
male erection pills: best treatment for ed – best otc ed pills
ed remedies https://erectionst.com/#
cost for 20 mg lisinopril: lisinopril 20 mg price online – lisinopril 49 mg
zestril 20 mg https://lisinoprilst.com/#
lisinopril 5: can you buy lisinopril over the counter – lisinopril 10 mg best price
stromectol liquid: ivermectin 10 ml – ivermectin 80 mg
ivermectin nz https://stromectolst.com/#
doxycycline hydrochloride 100mg: doxycycline hyclate 100 mg – doxycycline 100mg dogs
much does cialis cost without insurance: cheapest generic cialis australia buy cialis insurance
cost of cialis without insurance
how to get ciails without a doctor can i buy cialis in toronto buy cialis united kingdom
buy cialis drug – https://cialist100.com/#
My developer is trying to persuade me to move to
.net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses.
But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using Movable-type on several websites for about
a year and am worried about switching to another platform. I have heard fantastic things about blogengine.net.
Is there a way I can import all my wordpress posts into it?
Any help would be really appreciated! free dating sites
buy cialis online cheap how to buy cialis online uk cialis 20mg usa
safe buy cialis – https://cialist100.com/#
Heya i’m for the first time here. I found this board and I find It really useful
& it helped me out much. I hope to give something back and aid others like you helped me.
fastest delivery of generic cialis buy cialis online generic where can i buy cialis without a prescription
much does cialis cost without insurance – https://cialist100.com/#
buy cialis rush: find cheap cialis online can i buy cialis online
cialis online daily – https://cialist100.com/#
cost of cialis without insurance: cheap generic cialis original cialis low price
buy cialis now – https://cialist100.com/#
cialis tadalafil portugal: cialis in europe buy cialis cheaper online
buy cialis online europe – https://cialist100.com/#
cialis online daily: cialis sale 20mg buy cialis drug
original cialis low price – https://cialist100.com/#
viagra professional viagra pills – natural viagra
best european online pharmacy: canadian mail order pharmacy – reliable canadian pharmacy reviews
cialis 20mg usa: buy cheap cialis uk cialis 20mg usa
buy cialis ebay – https://cialisbnb.online/#
order viagra online viagra dosage buy viagra online without a prescription
viagra side effects https://viagrasts.online/#
100 mg viagra lowest price buy viagra order viagra cost
generic viagra https://viagrasts.online/#
where can i buy cialis without a prescription: taking cialis soft tabs buy cialis doctor
buy cialis tadalafil uk – https://cialisbnb.online/#
Hi there, I read your blogs daily. Your writing style is
witty, keep doing what you’re doing!
buy cialis without perscription: cost of tadalafil without insurance buy cialis online cheap
how to get ciails without a doctor – http://cialisst.online/#
canadian king pharmacy: legal online pharmacies in the us which online pharmacy is reliable
canadian pharmacies not requiring prescription – https://pharmfst.online/#
buy cialis online in canada – cialis in europe how to get ciails without a doctor
Hi there! This article couldn’t be written much better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous roommate!
He continually kept preaching about this. I most certainly will forward this article to him.
Fairly certain he’s going to have a good read.
Thank you for sharing!
american online pharmacy: reputable canadian online pharmacies my canadian pharmacy
northwest canadian pharmacy – https://pharmfst.online/#
best canadian pharmacy for viagra: mail order prescription drugs from canada cialis canada online pharmacy
indian pharmacy paypal – https://pharmfst.online/#
order original cialis online cialis in europe buy cialis online overnight
original cialis low price https://cialisgnr.com/#
buy cialis cheaper online: can i buy cialis online cost of cialis without insurance
buy cialis online generic – https://cialisgnr.com/#
can i buy cialis online: how to buy cialis online from canada cialis in europe
buy cialis now – https://cialisgnr.com/#
buy cialis insurance: buy cialis tadalafil tablets buy cialis 36 hour online
buy cialis with paypal – https://cialisgnr.com/#
original cialis low price: buy cialis online best price buy cialis online at lowest price
how to get ciails without a doctor – https://cialisgnr.com/#
Hi, I do believe this is a great blog. I stumbledupon it 😉 I
am going to revisit yet again since I book marked it.
Money and freedom is the best way to change, may you be rich
and continue to help others.
Why people still use to read news papers when in this technological
world everything is presented on web?
Hi! Someone in my Myspace group shared this
site with us so I came to take a look. I’m definitely
enjoying the information. I’m bookmarking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
Exceptional blog and terrific design and style.
I constantly spent my half an hour to read this
blog’s posts daily along with a mug of coffee.
I visited many websites however the audio quality for audio songs present at this web site is
male ed ed men – ed vacuum pump
No matter if some one searches for his necessary thing,
therefore he/she desires to be available that in detail,
so that thing is maintained over here.
amoxicillin 500mg buy online canada: where can you buy amoxicillin over the counter where to buy amoxicillin
where to buy amoxicillin 500mg without prescription – https://bamoxil.com/#
You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be actually something which
I think I would never understand. It seems too complicated and extremely
broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I will try to
get the hang of it!
pharmacy drugs buy cheap prescription drugs online – erectial dysfunction
amoxicillin capsule 500mg price: amoxicillin 500mg over the counter amoxicillin canada price
can you buy amoxicillin over the counter in canada – https://bamoxil.com/#
150 wellbutrin: buy wellbutrin australia 300 wellbutrin
where to buy wellbutrin – https://bwellbutrin.com/#
wellbutrin sr 150mg generic wellbutrin – wellbutrin prescription mexico
valtrex order canada cheap valtrex – valtrex over counter
how to get brand name wellbutrin cheap buy wellbutrin – wellbutrin prices
valtrex 500 mg uk price generic valtrex – valtrex coupon canada
benadryl tablet 12.5mg tablet best price for benadryl – benadryl best price
zyrtec price cvs order periactin pills online – where can i buy generic zyrtec
overseas pharmacy no prescription canada drugs online – legal online pharmacies in the us
ed medication online ed pills for sale – top ed drugs
natural ed remedies: erectile dysfunction treatments comfortis for dogs without vet prescription
prescription drugs online without: ed prescription drugs prescription drugs without prior prescription
cialis without a doctor’s prescription – https://edmedst.com/#
ed cures that actually work: dysfunction erectile aspirin and ed
best place to buy viagra online – viagra cost mexican viagra
viagra from india – over the counter viagra best place to buy viagra online
buy doxycycline online uk doxycycline generic – buy doxycycline online uk
cheap amoxicillin 500mg purchase amoxicillin online – amoxicillin no prescription
chloroquine phosphate aralen aralen phosphate – aralen for sale
how to buy amoxicillin online amoxicillin 500 mg without a prescription – how to buy amoxicillin online
how to get amoxicillin amoxicillin without rx – amoxicillin 500mg for sale uk
https://viagrasv.com/# best over the counter viagra
viagra online usa