Originals

09/05/2012

The Other One

There's a tired, sick feeling that comes with being excluded.

By: Lana Polansky

Filed Under: Culture Editorial Mobile

I’ve added something to my wardrobe. I take it with me whenever I go out. I don’t really like it; in fact I kind of hate it. But I can’t seem to get rid of it. That thing is the extra breath I hold in my throat whenever I meet someone new, or hang out with old friends, or walk down the street. Hell, I even keep it on when I’m reading a book, or the news, or playing a game.

I hold this breath because I never know when a stranger is going to say something untoward or try to track me down from the safety of his car, making me feel unsafe on my commute home. I hold it because I don’t know when to expect a friend to use sexist language casually. I hold it because I don’t know when a new friend or an acquaintance is going to try to cross my personal boundaries with a word, a phrase, an uncomfortable form of contact. I don’t know when I’ll have to cut them disappointedly out of my life, before there are too many ties to cut. This breath makes it hard for me to trust new people. It makes me suspicious of my friends. It makes me cynical and mistrustful that even the most mild media won’t end up containing something demeaning, even if inadvertently.

Some manifestations of casual misogyny are so mundane to me that they just roll down into my personal junk pile of demoralized exasperation. At this rate, I don’t really expect much from most billboards or sitcoms. Despite my incorrigible love for Street Fighter, I know that when I observe a tournament the word “rape” is going to be flowing as freely in the air as beer flows from the taps of my favourite arcade. I know people won’t expect me to know how to play, that I’m just the token girlfriend tagging along. That doesn’t make it acceptable, mind you. But it doesn’t take me by surprise anymore. So I hold my breath.

Should I really be taken aback that Gearbox lead designer John Hemingway described Borderland 2’s “Best Friends Forever” mode as “Girlfriend Mode” while speaking openly to the press? Well, of course it bothers me, but I wouldn’t say it really “shocks.” I don’t despise Hemingway or Gearbox – I’m looking forward to Borderlands 2. I get that people make mistakes.

But, you see, I’m used to people expecting me to not play games, or be interested in games, or be proficient in a game. I’m used to the surprise on people’s faces when I tell them that I write about this stuff, and that I main Juri, and that yes, I would like to play.

What Hemingway said isn’t defensible, but I’m telling you right now: this is mundane stuff.

But it’s not always so predictable. Sometimes casual sexism catches me by surprise, in places where I thought I could leave the extra breath at home. I can’t say I was really expecting it when Angry Birds Seasons’ “Back to School” update contained a new pink bird possessing all the trappings of traditional female stereotyping. To be quite honest, I mistakenly had thought all the birds were female – seeing as they’re out defending their eggs – so I wasn’t really sure how to feel about the long eyelashes, pink body, high-pitched feminine voice and relatively passive-aggressive new weapon.

To tell you the truth, I don’t really care about Angry Birds. I don’t really care that the character is pink and feminine. Neither of those things is inherently problematic. I took issue, mainly, with the pink bird immediately being cast in articles about her as the “female bird.” (A mountain of proof is at your fingertips with a quick Google search.) In the first case, she actually is not the first female bird, not that it ever mattered before. In the second, this demonstrated how willing we are to define a character by gender alone, even when it is at odds with the spirit of the rest of the game. I can only speculate as to Rovio’s reasoning behind the character, but to pretend that the character is meant to not just be feminine, but strictly “female,” would be kind of naive. Of course that’s what we’d assume just by looking at her. It’s in the fabric of every social interaction we’re taught to have.

We still navigate a cultural structure in which male is universal, and female is subjective. That male is normal, and female is the other one. And historically, across race, gender, and ethnic barriers, that which is “normal” is therefore “good,” and that which isn’t perceived as “normal” is somehow secondary or deficient.

This doesn’t mean to suggest that the pink bird as a playable character is, herself, deficient. But it’s a reaffirmation that the grander cultural perception of women and girls exists as a very narrow window. No, the pink bird is not the only female bird, but she is the only one being defined as such— and her dressings just reiterate how we see female player behaviour. It’s a reminder of how our culture operates. There’s even a meme to exemplify it.

And the Idiot Nerd Girl meme does its job. I feel unwelcome. I feel put upon to prove my credibility in ways my male friends do not. Idiot Nerd Girl is a more hostile example of this, the pink bird less so. But they do the same thing by making me feel secondary, lesser, reduced, excluded. Sent out into the ether, these things do send a message about my value and worth. I can’t help but take that personally. I can’t help but feel over-sick and overtired.

You know, it’s telling that Angry Birds is a casual game intended for a mass audience. The “pink bird” undercurrent of casual sexism already is everywhere, in cute games that children play on their parents’ iPad, in LEGOS they build with, in the books and film and ads and relationships and social dynamics in which we interact. It is in the air I breathe in.

I empathize, in a way, with the pink bird – bitterly confronting the prospect that I may always be defined by my gender, too.

Even Angry Birds makes me feel this way?

Even Angry Birds.

I wish the mechanisms of casual sexism—of the sort I describe, which are common, and difficult to see except for when they inevitably explode into something more violent—found in gaming culture were easy to isolate. I wish they wore an eye-patch, had a scar, and waited to hurl abuse at me over Xbox LIVE, so I knew where to stay away. But the natural sexism – the assumptions made about my competence or my behaviour – these things are inherent to the culture now. These prejudices occur in just about everything I come into contact with, but they aren’t typically hostile. They generally only become hostile the second you actually bring attention to them.

I can’t say that I’ve written this with the most clarity or with any easy answers to proffer at the end. It’s uncomfortable territory. But if I may, perhaps those of you out there who aren’t regularly made to feel objectified and excluded should, respectfully, think twice before telling us our concerns aren’t real; or that we don’t have our priorities straight in these discussions; excusing individual cases of misogyny only to negate them.

That may seem like an attack. This whole post might be seen as a passive-aggressive dig. But it’s not; it’s simply an account of my overgrown impatience.

I could be like Jay Smooth in his TED talk, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Discussing Race, wherein he politely describes the overwhelming importance of taking criticism. The speech—and it is a lovely one—remarks the defensiveness of people when confronted, specifically, on race issues, and how taking the time to acknowledge fault, empathize and listen to the person making the critique is fundamental to forwarding discussion. I could be like Mattie Brice in her piece What About the Men?! RE: Tropes vs. Women, responding to claims of sexism against men in video games, powerfully and systematically debunking the argument. And Brice reminds us, of course, that more of these strong analyses by experts of both gender studies and games exist. They just don’t get read.

Oh, all the research and data and statistics and evidence upon evidence upon evidence I could show you to try to validate my own reality, so that you’ll believe it. I can do that. I have done that. Now I just need to be met in the middle somewhere.

But I still don’t expect much. I’m truthfully beginning to fear that these problems might be perpetual—or at least never see an end in my lifetime—and that those who might help fight them may continue to refuse acknowledging their existence. My stomach turns in knots at least once or twice a day – I become puzzled if it doesn’t. My screams are turning into sighs. I don’t want to mistrust people. I don’t want to feel excluded from the culture, having my “nerd cred” evaluated on whether or not I’m just an incompetent, attention-seeking poseur. I want to feel like a person, not a window dressing or a lazy device. I don’t want to be as sullen as I’m sure I’m coming off.

But I also don’t hold my breath for any of that.

[art credit]

Filed Under: Culture Editorial Mobile

About the Author:
Lana Polansky is a game critic and writer peddling her wares at Kill Screen, Gameranx, Medium Difficulty and here at Bit Creature. Also, a ludonarrative disco-dancer.

8,960 Responses to “The Other One”

  1. LewieP's Mummy

    Good article! I’d add being an older woman, or worse, being an older, disabled woman gamer. I get fed up of people looking me up and down and asking “you play games” in an incredulous voice, or offering me Nintendogs or Cooking Moma when I go into their video game shop (cough *Game* cough) even when I’ve explicitly explained the type of game I like playing.
    There are very few places where I’m accepted as a gamer without a question or funny look, people just assume I’m a supportive, interested mum rather than a gamer in my own right. I’ve just spent almost a week surrounded by gamers, devs and video games, even some of the devs assumed I was just a parent. Thankfully, most didn’t, and I got to play some great games – Johan Sebastian Joust being one of them!
    I’ll not give up though, I’m changing perceptions one person at a time.

  2. Josef Burn

    As a male (and I kinda wish I didn’t have to feel compelled to say that, but the truth is I do) I agree with every word of this article. It feels like, at least with the digital age, every time females start to have their recognition grow and expand in a certain area, males find a way to knock them down. That nerd girl meme has always pissed me off simply because it perpetuates mockery nonsensical and unfair mockery and derogatory behaviour towards ‘girl gamers’ because, with the power that memes have, it takes that label and makes it into something “Stupid”.

    And I understand what you mean, feeling like you have to constantly be defensive about who you are or what you do against a moronic but widespread and hidden ideal definitely gives you that ‘tired’ feeling.

  3. Generic Male

    Insomuch as I can, I empathize with your plight. It’s not difficult to want all people to be equal. The difficulty is finding a way to help bring equality to all people. I’ve always been someone who wants others to be happy in whatever way they choose as long as it doesn’t hurt someone, either directly or indirectly.

    It’s a fine line to walk because things aren’t that simple. What seems harmless to some is offensive to others. There comes a point when being equal is tantamount to walking on eggshells with land mines hidden underneath. Eventually one missed step results in an explosion that destroys any goodwill built up to that point.

    What can I do to make someone feel welcome? I’ve talked to females (the very few I’ve seen) at arcade fighting game tournaments. When I ask if they play I get scoffed at. Trying to be inclusive has given me negative feedback, so I’m stuck ignoring them. It only reinforces the “culture” of fighting games. If I see a door and try to open it, only to find it’s locked tight, I move on. I’m not going to stand there and fiddle with the lock.

    Basically I’m saying there needs to be an open dialogue on both sides. Your baited breath isn’t helping your cause. Instead, try not to assume the worst. You have every right to be cautious but by holding back, you’re consequently holding everyone back with you.

  4. Line

    You heard him, ladies. If you’re locked tight, he’s left with no choice but to ignore you. He doesn’t have time for fiddling. If you don’t have an open door policy, you might as well just leave.

  6. Austin

    Great read. I really dont want you to lose hope. Im a male gamer and developer, and these articles are definitely read and taken to heart. It will never be perfect, but it will get better. Arguably race relations are better now than 50, 100, and 150 years ago, but we still have reminders and discussions on the topic because individuals need to be exposed to it and taught to find it normal. Lets keep talking but keep hope alive.

  7. oh you

    ‘It’s a fine line to walk because things aren’t that simple. What seems harmless to some is offensive to others.’

    Seriously? Do you think the writer of the article is five years old?

    ‘There comes a point when being equal is tantamount to walking on eggshells with land mines hidden underneath. Eventually one missed step results in an explosion that destroys any goodwill built up to that point.’

    yeah, when you do and say sexist things, that tends to happen.

    Also, we are called ‘women’, not ‘females’.

  8. The

    Damn fine article. With all the talk about homophobic and racist xbox live comments, nobody really mentions sexism much in any video game sense except to laugh at female fighting game characters or fantasy characters. I’m a guy, and a lot of my friends make fun of me when I choose to pick a female character, calling it a fanservice pick or window dressing. (Unless it’s Cammy in Streetfghter, then they know they’ve already lost) But I have seen the sexism work both ways, with girls having a blast making fun of the Bro attitude of the Gears of Wars guys. But as far as thinking that a girl doesn’t have a place at a particular game, that just seems dumb. I’ll always be a believer that you hand a person a controller and see what they have.

  10. Jeff Ramos

    As a feminist, heterosexual male – I vibe with this post 110%. It really encapsulates a lot of my own issues with the gaming community.

  11. mindcrayons

    Love the article. I often feel frustrated and tired when I play games – even the ones I love because of the casual sexism. I teach teenagers about video games and one of my students (who is a 17-year old boy) wrote a piece about sexism in games that was published on HuffPo Teen and the comments were incredibly upsetting. He managed to valiantly respond with polite logic but it was incredibly disheartening for me as an educator watching him get ripped apart in a public forum. I love games but sometimes dominant gamer culture makes it so difficult for me to really love games. My main consolation is that I work with a group of teenagers that notice, acknowledge and understand the need to speak out against sexism and stereotypes in video games. So, there’s hope for the future!

  12. Osprey

    This is a great article. Casual sexism and racism wears me down and tires me out, to the point where quitting seems like the best option. Thanks for articulating why it’s a problem.

  13. cheap flights

    You really make it seem so easy along with your presentation however I find this matter to be really
    one thing that I think I might never understand. It kind of
    feels too complicated and extremely wide for me. I am looking
    ahead for your subsequent publish, I’ll attempt to get the hang of it!

  14. cheap flights

    Hey there! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers?

    I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any recommendations?

  15. cheap flights

    If you desire to grow your know-how only keep visiting this web
    page and be updated with the most recent news update posted
    here.

  16. tinyurl.com

    Heya! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new
    iphone 3gs! Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts!

    Keep up the great work!

  17. cheap flights

    Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The words in your article seem to be running off the
    screen in Firefox. I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with web browser compatibility but
    I figured I’d post to let you know. The style and design look great though!
    Hope you get the issue solved soon. Thanks

  18. tinyurl.com

    Hello just wanted to give you a quick heads up.
    The words in your article seem to be running off the screen in Safari.

    I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something
    to do with browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know.
    The style and design look great though! Hope you get the problem solved soon. Thanks

  19. tinyurl.com

    Please let me know if you’re looking for a writer for your blog.
    You have some really great articles and I believe I would be a good asset.
    If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d absolutely love to write some material for your blog in exchange for a
    link back to mine. Please blast me an email if interested.

    Thank you!

  47. bit.ly

    I always emailed this blog post page to all my friends, since if
    like to read it then my friends will too. ps4 games allenferguson ps4 games

  53. ps4 games

    Hello there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it’s really informative.
    I am going to watch out for brussels. I’ll appreciate if you continue this
    in future. Many people will be benefited from your writing.
    Cheers!

  55. ps4 games

    Wonderful goods from you, man. I have consider your stuff prior to and you are just too great.
    I really like what you have received right here, really like what you are stating and the way wherein you assert it.
    You’re making it entertaining and you still take care of to keep it wise.
    I cant wait to learn far more from you. This is actually a tremendous site.

  61. web hosting

    When I originally left a comment I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments
    are added- checkbox and from now on each time a comment is added I receive four emails with the
    same comment. There has to be an easy method you can remove me from that service?
    Appreciate it!

  64. minecraft games

    Wow! This blog looks exactly like my old one! It’s on a completely
    different subject but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Outstanding choice of colors!

  78. 0mniartist

    It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d most certainly donate to this outstanding blog!
    I suppose for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding
    your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to brand new
    updates and will share this website with my Facebook
    group. Talk soon! 0mniartist asmr

  80. asmr https://0mniartist.tumblr.com

    Hello, I think your website might be having browser
    compatibility issues. When I look at your website in Ie,
    it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it
    has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a
    quick heads up! Other then that, great blog!
    0mniartist asmr

  111. gamefly off

    I visited various sites however the audio quality for audio songs present at this
    web site is actually fabulous.

  114. my asmr

    You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find
    this topic to be actually something that I think I would never
    understand. It seems too complicated and very broad for me.
    I’m looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang
    of it!

  116. or asmr

    Why people still make use of to read news papers when in this technological globe
    all is presented on net?

  128. the gamefly

    Hi there to every single one, it’s in fact a good for me to pay a visit this web site,
    it contains valuable Information.

  130. asmr when

    May I just say what a relief to find somebody who genuinely
    understands what they are discussing on the web.
    You definitely understand how to bring a problem to light and make it important.
    More and more people need to read this and understand this side of
    the story. I was surprised you are not more popular because you most certainly possess the
    gift.

  131. Cupids Health

    Remember…

    There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled.

    There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled.

    You feel it, dont you?

    ~Rumi
    ———————————–

    Be the first to know important health alerts.

    Award winning Health Alert Website.
    https://bit.ly/3uh4Qf2

  132. asmr of

    Hello, i think that i saw you visited my weblog so i came to
    “return the favor”.I’m trying to find things to improve my website!I
    suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas!!

  134. asmr on

    My partner and I stumbled over here by a different web address and thought I might check things out.
    I like what I see so now i’m following you. Look forward to
    going over your web page repeatedly.

  150. j.mp

    scoliosis
    Hi! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering which blog
    platform are you using for this site? I’m getting fed
    up of WordPress because I’ve had problems with hackers and
    I’m looking at alternatives for another platform. I would be awesome
    if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.
    scoliosis

  152. tinyurl.com

    scoliosis
    If you are going for most excellent contents like me, simply visit this website all the time for the reason that it presents feature contents, thanks scoliosis

  158. http://bit.ly/2T1gmOh

    scoliosis
    My spouse and I stumbled over here from a different page and thought I
    might as well check things out. I like what I see so now
    i’m following you. Look forward to going over your
    web page again. scoliosis

  162. https://785days.tumblr.com/

    free dating sites
    Hey there, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues.
    When I look at your website in Safari, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer,
    it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up!
    Other then that, excellent blog! https://785days.tumblr.com/ dating sites

  171. asmr their

    Great beat ! I wish to apprentice whilst you amend your website, how could i subscribe for a
    blog web site? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I were a little bit
    familiar of this your broadcast offered vibrant clear idea

  186. where free dating sites

    You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I
    find this matter to be really something that I think I
    would never understand. It seems too complex and very broad for me.
    I am looking forward for your next post, I will try
    to get the hang of it!

  187. free dating sites this

    This is very attention-grabbing, You are an overly professional blogger.
    I have joined your feed and stay up for in quest of extra of your great post.
    Additionally, I have shared your web site in my social networks

  211. an dating sites

    Fantastic beat ! I would like to apprentice at the same time as you amend your
    website, how could i subscribe for a weblog website?

    The account helped me a appropriate deal. I were a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided
    shiny clear idea

  212. dating sites the

    Its like you read my thoughts! You seem to grasp so
    much about this, such as you wrote the ebook in it or something.
    I feel that you could do with some % to power the message
    home a bit, however other than that, this is magnificent blog.
    A fantastic read. I will certainly be back.

  218. http://tinyurl.com/

    I have fun with, cause I found just what I used to be having a look for.

    You’ve ended my four day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great
    day. Bye

  220. tinyurl.com

    Hello there, You have done a fantastic job. I’ll definitely digg it and personally suggest to my
    friends. I’m confident they’ll be benefited from this website.

  258. takipçi al

    I’m curious to find out what blog platform you’re working with?
    I’m having some small security issues with my latest site and I’d like to find something more safe.
    Do you have any suggestions?

  264. takipçi satın al

    I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this
    post was good. I do not know who you are but definitely you’re going to a
    famous blogger if you aren’t already 😉 Cheers!

  272. TikTOK izLENME SATIN AL

    Tiktok izlenme Satın Al

    Türkiye ve dünyada bir anda yıldızı parlayan tiktok video izlenme uygulaması çok kısa
    sürede şüphesiz en çok izlenen video uygulaması
    arasına giriş
    yaptı
    bir çok kişi bu video izlenme sitesi üzerinden para kazanmaya
    başlayarak
    birbirinden çeşitli videolar yayınlamışlardır.
    Sizde bu tür video yayınlayarak
    bütçenize katkıda bulunmasını dilerseniz videolarınızın keşfete düşmesi gereklidir.

    Keşfet için https://bit.do/tiktokizlenme

  274. leKE krEMi

    HC Pigment-Control’ün cilt lekelerine karşı
    hızlı ve güçlü etkisi, Kuzey Kanada Bozkırları’na özgü bir tarla bitkisi
    olan Rumeks’ten (Tyrostat™), tabiatın yeniden canlandırma mucizesi olan Yeniden Diriliş Bitkisi’ne
    kadar birçok doğal ve saf aktif bileşene dayalıdır.
    Tüm bu aktif bileşenlerin, lekeler ve cilt yaşlanması üzerindeki etkileri in-vivo testler ve klinik laboratuvar çalışmalarıyla kanıtlanmıştır.
    Tüm cilt tiplerinde, leke problemlerini giderme ve önlemede,
    cilt tonu eşitsizliğinde, cilt aydınlatmasında, nem ihtiyacı olan ciltlerde güvenle
    kullanılabilir.

    https://rebrand.ly/hclekekremi

  276. TaKiPçi SATIN AL

    Right here is the right website for anyone who hopes to understand
    this topic. You understand so much its almost hard
    to argue with you (not that I really would want to…HaHa).
    You certainly put a brand new spin on a subject which has been written about for decades.

    Great stuff, just wonderful!

  312. Tawandanit

    Исаак Левитан – самый великий из тех русских пейзажистов, которые в XIX веке открыли для современников скромную красоту русской природы.

    Isaak Levitan
    Isaak Levitan

    Начиная работать под руководством Саврасова и Поленова, Левитан вскоре оставил далеко позади своих учителей, навсегда вписав свое имя в пантеон отечественной культуры.

  334. Mariam

    Thankfulness to my father who informed me concerning this weblog,
    this website is really amazing.

  341. Luciana

    I visit day-to-day a few web pages and information sites to read articles
    or reviews, but this web site offers quality based posts.

Leave a Reply

  • (will not be published)

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

The Latest:

  • Originals

    Swan Song

    This is a tough one to write. For those of you who know me, in person, by my writing, or…


  • Originals

    The Fool and the Villain, Part II

    (Warning: In Second Life, pixelated tits and dicks abound. Abandon all hope, all ye who enter this article at work.)…


  • Commentary

    The Edge Of The Ocean

    The problem is to plot the map. My sense of geography is spotted with black holes. There’s the Chinatown and…


  • Originals

    Play Everything

    Play everything. No, I’m serious, play everything. Play that game of hopscotch those kids drew up on the sidewalk with…


  • Commentary

    Genre In Question

    Why are there so few video game comedies? At least twice in the past year I’ve bumped into conversations trying…